Hello lunchmeat.

Well, we all know that no one cares what we had for lunch, but I want to know whether you are ever embarrassed about your lunch. I'm finding that the contents of my lunch bag are becoming increasingly odd, perhaps a little terrifying to the casual observer. It's not uncommon for me to experiment with combinations of ingredients that may seem just a bit unnatural to others (e.g. black beans mixed with cottage cheese; tofu hotdog adorned with light caesar dressing; string cheese dipped in hot sauce).

Today I had some oatmeal for breakfast - a perfectly respectable American classic, right? At least until I was done doctoring it up. Not content to dine on mere oats and water, I thought I'd be crafty and add a little flava'. A quick inventory of my desk drawer revealed the following items: 10-15 Taco Bell hot sauce packets (assorted), 1 Hershey's kiss, 3 miso soup packets, 1 box Plantation Mint tea, 1 jar cinnamon, 2 small containers half-and-half, and 1 tin sugar free, naturally decaffeinated Suisse Mocha mix (approximate age: 1 year, 5 months).

Naturally, I went for the mocha. And the kiss. And the cinnamon. And one of the two creamers. It was the perfect solution to my breakfast doldrums - a tablespoon of drink mix, a dash of cinnamon, a spot o' cream, and a carefully sliced Hershey's kiss formed the ultimate flava' fiesta! Or so I thought. The resulting concoction was quite foul. Not nearly as gourmet as I had envisioned when formulating my breakfast plan.

Anyway, the flavor, or lack thereof, ain't the issue. The issue is the shame I'd have experienced had a co-worker dropped by only to see me fastidiously slicing away at one little Hershey's kiss with a plastic knife, or sprinkling REALLY OLD drink mix into my otherwise-civilized meal of hot, wet, mealy oats. (I just kind of grossed myself out there.)

It could be worse though I guess. I once had a boss (with whom I spent many an hour traveling in the car) who kept a cooler full of peeled hardboiled eggs between the front seats. Every 60 miles or so, she'd unabashedly pull one of those glistening white stinkpots out of the ice and pop it into her mouth - intact.


At 4:46 PM, Blogger Rosie said...

Ha ha! If I had walked by, I wouldn't have thought twice. The guy who used to sit in your office seriously ate nastier things.

I don't like bringing hard boiled eggs to the office...in case someone were to walk in and think I tooted. Yuck.

Oh, and I have that book back here in my office if you want to see it.

At 8:52 PM, Anonymous Kath said...

Actually, I DO care what people have for lunch. So disregard what Maggie (the author) has to say.

I think someone should start a 'This Is What I Had For Lunch And I Don't Give A Rat's Ass If No One Cares' Blog.

I would totally read...and link..to that!

At 8:31 PM, Blogger Luke Joseph said...

I used to eat Catsup sandwiches. MMMMM.


2 slices of white bread
4 oz of Catsup

Put the white bread carefully on a paper towel of your choice (preferably Bounty). Squirt Catsup evenly on both slices of bread. Put bread together and squeeze. DO NOT HEAT, JUST EAT

Also, tomatoes are plum full of fertility.

At 3:51 PM, Anonymous hubs said...

Kath, i've been doing a blog like that (with others including James) since 2003, though nobody has posted to it for a year. maybe i'll start again.


At 7:55 PM, Anonymous Kath said...

Hubs- you were a trendsetter before the word existed.

I checked it out and do recall stumbling across it last year right after I came to Denver...before I had ever met you and HDW and the rest of the D-town blogorati.

Totally start it up again...I'd link to it in a heartbeat. And it might even help people decide what to have for lunch. What a GREAT public service :-)


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